Bucket List

Update as of September 3rd, 2014

We learned last week that my liver is failing. I am not quitting the fight though. I continue to crochet and do markets and it helps keep me busy. 

THIS IS ONE OF THE HARDEST POSTS I HAVE EVER HAD TO WRITE. SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE THE DOCTORS HAVE NOT HAD MUCH HOPE OF ME MAKING IT A FEW MORE MONTHS WE ARE AT THAT POINT AGAIN.

AT THE AGE OF 15 I WAS BITTEN BY A TICK. MY BOYFRIEND BURNED IT OFF OF ME AND I WENT ON WITH MY LIFE. I WAS AT BOARDING SCHOOL AND DEALING WITH BEING RAPED THEN KICKED IN THE KNEE AND HEAD BY THE RING LEADER.

THERE WAS ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH WITHOUT DEALING WITH A BUG BITE. THE NURSE DID NOT THINK IT WAS A BIG DEAL SO WHY SHOULD I WAS MY THINKING AT THE TIME.

HOWEVER AT THE AGE OF 32 ONE OF MY ONLINE FRIENDS SUGGESTED THAT MY HUSBAND FILL OUT A LYME SYMPTOM CHECKLIST I HUMORED HER AND HAD HIM DO THAT AND HE CHECKED OFF 90% OF IT.

NEEDLESS TO SAY WE FOUND A LYME DOCTOR AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH LYME AT THE AGE OF 32.

I TRIED DOXY BUT I REACTED BADLY AND THEN I TRIED SILVER AND IT DIDN'T SEEM TO DO MUCH. IT WAS HARD TO FIND A MEDICATION THAT WOULD WORK AND ALSO HAVE A LIMITED EFFECT ON MY CELIAC DISEASE.

I PUT IT ON THE BACK BURNER FOR A BIT BECAUSE WE COULDN’T FIND A DOCTOR THAT COULD TAKE MY INSURANCE AND ALSO DEAL WITH MY COMPLICATED MEDICAL HISTORY. FINALLY ON JULY 29TH, 2014 WE FOUND DR P NEAR ATLANTA WHO FINALLY PUT IT ALL TOGETHER. MY ENTIRE COMPLICATED MEDICAL HISTORY WAS DUE TO LYME DISEASE.

IT ONLY TOOK THEM 19 YEARS TO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT!

EVEN THE FIRST LYME DOCTOR I HAD HADN’T TOLD US THAT! I HAVE BEEN STARTED ON ANTIBIOTICS AND SOON WILL START IV TREATMENTS. HOWEVER THE BOTTOM LINE IS WITH HAVING SO MUCH WRONG AND IT BEING SO LONG BETWEEN THE BITE AND DIAGNOSIS WE AREN'T SURE HOW MUCH MORE MY BODY CAN GO THROUGH.

WE DO A HAPPY DANCE EVERY THREE MONTHS IF MY KIDNEYS AND LIVER HAVE DECIDED THEY ARE GOING TO KEEP WORKING LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO.

THERE ARE SIGNS ON MY MRI THAT I HAVE LESIONS ON THE BRAIN FROM THE LYME SO BASICALLY EVERYTHING IS AFFECTED AT THIS POINT.

I HAVE EVERY PLAN

FOR BEATING THE LYME INTO SUBMISSION!!!!

BUT IN CASE I DON’T I WANTED TO MAKE SURE I COULD THANK THOSE THAT HAVE HELPED ALONG THE WAY AND I ALSO WANTED TO TELL A FEW PEOPLE

TO GO TO HELL BEYOND THE DOCTORS THAT PUT IT DOWN TO IT IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD FOR THE LAST 19 YEARS.

I WANT TO THANK ALL MY

ONLINE FRIENDS THAT HAVE

BEEN A GREAT SUPPORT.

TO JOHN HART

THANK FOR BEING THERE FOR ME SINCE I WAS 17. EVEN WHEN MY PARENTS WANTED ME TO TELL YOU TO GO TO HELL I WOULDN’T. YOU WERE THE FIRST ONE TO CLUE ME IN THAT MY GUT FEELING WAS RIGHT. THAT THE ABUSE I WAS GOING THROUGH AT THE HANDS OF MY PARENTS WAS NOT OKAY. 

YOU ALSO TAUGHT ME TO LOVE AGAIN AFTER A VERY ABUSIVE FIRST MARRIAGE. WE ARE ON OPPOSITES COASTS NOW AND DON’T GET TO TALK OFTEN BUT I APPRECIATE ALL THE HELP THROUGH THE YEARS

TO MICHAEL WILD

WE HAVE TALKED SO OFTEN VERY LATE AT NIGHT WHEN WE WERE BOTH IN TO MUCH PAIN TO SLEEP. YOU MAILED A STUFFED ELMO TO ABBIE AND EVEN DID THE SILLY DANCE AT BUILD A BEAR FOR HER! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!

TO MY HUSBAND

WE HAVE GONE THROUGH HELL IN THE 7 YEARS WE

HAVE BEEN MARRIED. FROM THE DEATH OF JAC, LOOSING CUSTODY OF REBEKAH & ABIGAIL, TO THE STRESS FROM YOU HAVING TO BE MY CAREGIVER FULL TIME. I LOVE YOU AND APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME. WE HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO TO IMPROVE OUR COMMUNICATION AND CUT DOWN ON THE FIGHTS BUT WE WILL GET THERE TOGETHER.

TO FRED HEARD WHO

MARRIED US IN 2007

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE ADVICE AND PRAYERS THROUGHOUT THE YEARS. BOTH YOU AND MARY

JO HAVE BEEN SUCH GREAT WONDERFUL PRAYER PARTNERS. WE BOTH APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH!

TO REBEKAH AND ABIGAIL

YOU ARE BOTH MY ANGELS! BEKAH YOU ARE 16 AT THIS POINT AND BLOSSOMING I AM SURE INTO A YOUNG WOMAN WHO IS STUBBORN AND INDEPENDENT BUT LOVING ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

I AM SORRY I WASN’T ABLE TO GET YOU AWAY

FROM THE ABUSE. I AM HERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU ARE READY TO GET OUT OF THE ABUSE ALONG WITH ANDREW. IF I AM GONE BY THE TIME YOU WANT TO RECONNECT PLEASE TALK TO ANDREW AND GET COUNSELING FOR THE ABUSE SO YOU CAN HEAL NOW AND NOT WAIT UNTIL LATER IN YOUR LIFE.

I PRAY THAT YOU GET THAT TWO STORY LAVENDAR HOUSE WITH WHITE TRIM THAT YOU DREAMED ABOUT AS A KID. I PRAY THAT YOU GET TO BE A MOM AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE STUCK WITH

YOUR SAME CAREER GOALS BUT AS A KID YOU WANTED TO BE A MARINE BIOLOGIST OR A HISTORY TEACHER. MAKE SURE WHATEVER CAREER YOU CHOOSE IS YOUR CHOICE ONLY!

YOU REMIND ME SO MUCH OF MYSELF. I TRIED SO HARD TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE LISTENING AND OBEYINGSO YOU WOULDN’T MAKE MISTAKES AND GET ABUSED WORSE FROM YOUR GRANDPARENTS. HOWEVER SO MANY TIMES I WALKED AWAY FROM YOU AFTER I HAD TO PUNISH YOU AND I WOULD CRACK UP LAUGHING WHEN I WAS OUT OF EAR SHOT OF

YOU AND YOUR SISTER.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE TIME YOU SENT YOUR SISTER UP INTO THE DEER STAND BECAUSE I WOULDN’T LET YOU GO UP? IT TOOK ME 45 MINUTES TO FIGURE OUT WHY THE HECK SHE WAS UP IN A TREE. TURNS OUT YOU, REBEKAH, JUST WANTED TO SEE IF THE GEESE WERE MIGRATING.

THERE WAS ALSO THE TIME I FOUND YOU BOTH BEFORE BREAKFAST OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE POND IN THE INFLATABLE BOAT TRYING TO SEE IF

THE ICE WAS THICK ENOUGH TO ICE SKATE ON. FYI

NEITHER YOU NOR ABIGAIL SWAM AT THE TIME AND SWEETIE 1/8 INCH ICE IN SPOTS IS NOT THICK ENOUGH FOR ICE SKATING PLUS YOU DIDN’T OWN ICE SKATES!

THERE WAS ALSO THE TIMES YOU RODE THE RIDING

LAWN MOWER WITH A CONCRETE BLOCK TO HOLD DOWN THE SEAT SO IT WOULDN’T TURN OFF. YOUR SISTER PERCHED ON THE BLOCK AND YOU HAPPILY MOWED THE LAWN. YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO MANAGED NOT TO DRIVE IT INTO THE POND.

WE ALSO HAD TO HAVE A COME TO JESUS TALK ABOUT

STEALING OR AS YOU CALLED IT BORROWING WITHOUT THE NEIGHBORS PERMISSION THEIR CHICKEN AND DUCKS! 

THERE WAS ALSO THE TIME YOU AND ABIGAIL DECIDED TO DISMANTLE ANDREW’S TRUCK WITHOUT PERMISSION. THANK GOODNESS I FOUND YOU BEFORE THAT ONE WENT TO FAR!

THE TWO TIMES I HAD TO CATCH COPPERHEAD SNAKES

SO THEY WOULD NOT BITE THE TWO OF YOU AND 

ME NOT KNOWING (I AM FROM CALI) WHAT TYPE THEY WERE. YES I GOT A LECTURE FROM ANDREW ON THAT ONE LATER AND PROCEEDED TO DO IT A 2ND TIME ANYWAY! HOWEVER THE BABY SNAKE YOU TWO INSISTED IT BE SAVED AND WE WERE ABLE TO. THE PISSED OFF MAMA WE WEREN'T ABLE TO SAVE.

ABIGAIL YOU WERE NOT ONE TO GO WITHOUT CAUSING TROUBLE YOURSELF. WHEN WE MOVED TO GEORGIA YOU STUFFED YOUR VENT WITH FOOD SO YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO WALK TO THE KITCHEN FOR A SNACK IN THE

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. 

I ALSO FOUND YOU PERCHED ON TOP OF THE FREEZER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT EATING ICE CREAM WHEN YOU WERE LACTOSE INTOLERANT. 

YOU ALSO LOVED TO STUFF FROGS AND CRAWFISH IN YOUR POCKETS TO BRING THEM IN THE HOUSE. I LEARNED TO HAVE YOU TURN YOUR POCKETS INSIDE OUT BEFORE LETTING YOU IN THE HOUSE!

YOU LOVED TO WAKE ME UP AT 2 AM SO I COULD SCRAMBLE YOU EGGS. ONLY TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT EVEN AT 2 AM YOU WERE ALLERGIC TO THEM. 

UNLIKE REBEKAH WHO LOVED TO USE YARN FOR CROCHETING YOU LOVED TO TAKE MY MOST EXPENSIVE ALPACA YARN AND USE IT IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR BOX HOUSE! 

BOTH OF YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH HELL DUE TO THE

ABUSE FROM YOUR GRANDPARENTS. I AM SORRY I COULDN’T GET YOU OUT. I TRIED MY BEST WHEN I CALLED THE COPS AFTER ABIGAIL WAS STRANGLED TO

GET YOU BOTH OUT WHEN YOU ARE 18 OR WHEN YOU GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL 

• FLEE THE HELL 
• GET COUNSELING 
• GET A JOB
• GO TO COLLEGE
• COME SEE ANDREW & I
• FALL IN LOVE WHEN YOU ARE READY
• HAVE A CAREER YOU CHOOSE AND DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU WHAT TO CHOOSE OR YOU WILL BE UNHAPPY
• MOST OF ALL TAKE TIME TO HEAL FROM THE ABUSE AND TO FIND YOURSELF.

I LOVE YOU BOTH TO THE MOON AND BACK MANY MANY

TIMES. BOTH ANDREW & I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH IN THE LAST 5 YEARS.

THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO SAY BUT THIS WOULD TURN INTO A BOOK. HOPEFULLY WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER SOON SINCE REBEKAH YOU ARE 16 AND ABIGAIL YOU WILL BE TURNING 11 THIS YEAR AND START TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER AGAIN AND SHARE SO MANY MORE MEMORIES.

IN MY LIFE THERE ARE VERY FEW PEOPLE THAT I WOULD TELL TO GO TO HELL AND EVEN FEWER THAT I WOULD PUT IN GOD’S SUGGESTION BOX THAT HE SEND THEM TO HELL. THOSE TWO PEOPLE ARE MY PARENTS

JOHN & SUSAN HOOS. YOU HAD NO REASON TO ABUSE ME THROUGHOUT MY CHILDHOOD SEXUALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND EMOTIONALLY. 

AND THEN GO ON TO DO IT TO YOUR GRANDKIDS. YOU BOTH HAD BEEN THROUGH IT AS A CHILD AND THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH TO STOP YOU FROM DOING IT TO ME.

I AM NOT SOME HELLION SINCE 6 MONTHS OF AGE LIKE YOU REPEATEDLY TOLD ME. I AM A HUMAN BEING WHO WAS ACTING OUT BECAUSE YOU WERE ABUSING ME. NOW AT 34 I REALIZE HOW MUCH MY CHILDHOOD ISSUES WERE JUST FROM THE ABUSE.

I PRAY TO GOD EVERY DAY THAT YOU WILL ROT

IN HELL ALONG WITH BOTH OF MY SISTERS. MY SISTER JULIA IS A TEACHER IN MALIBU. MY SISTER ANNA IS ABOUT TO BECOME AN ORDAINED PRIEST IN SAN FRANCISCO. NEITHER HAS REPORTED THE ABUSE THAT OCCURRED TO ME OR TO MY KIDS.

I AT LEAST TRIED TO CALL THE COPS IN CALI AND OUT HERE IN GEORGIA. MY PARENTS KEPT TELLING ME THAT IF I KEPT DOING IT THEY WOULD GO TO COURT AND GET THE KIDS.

WELL WHEN MY MOM CHOKED ABIGAIL HARD ENOUGH TO LEAVE MARKS I CALLED THE COPS AND THIS TIME THEY COULDN’T CHOCK IT UP TO MY ACTIVE IMAGINATION LIKE THEY HAD ALL MY ADULT LIFE AND THAT MOVE COST ME MY KIDS.

I WOULD HAVE MOVED OUT WITH THE KIDS WHEN I MARRIED ANDREW BUT THEY SAID IF WE MOVED WITH THE GIRLS THEY WOULD GO AND GET CUSTODY OF THE KIDS. WE BOTH FELT SO TRAPPED AND UNABLE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO. HINDSIGHT IS OF

COURSE 20/20 AND WE BOTH KNOW SO MUCH MORE NOW THAN WE DID THEN. I CAN’T GO BACK AND CHANGE GETTING THE GIRLS OUT BUT ANDREW AND I ARE THERE FOR THEM NOW WHEN THEY ARE READY TO MAKE THE MOVE TO GET TO KNOW US.

THERE IS SO MUCH MORE I STILL WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE…

• KEEP PASSING ON THE LOVE OF CROCHETING BY TEACHING THE ART OF CROCHET AND ALSO CONTINUING TO DO FARMER’S MARKETS
• MEET WYNONNA & NAOMI JUDD
• GET TOGETHER WITH MIKE, MICHAEL, JOHN, JENNIFER AND SUE JUST TO NAME A COUPLE OF MY ONLINE FRIENDS I WOULD LOVE TO MEET UP WITH. CAN WE SAY ROAD TRIP?!
• BUY A TINY HOUSE WITH A HUGE FRONT PORCH AND LOTS OF SPACE FOR YARN PROBABLY THROUGH TENNESSEE TINY HOMES
• TAKE A TOUR OF THE RED HEART YARN FACTORY
• TAKE A CRUISE EVEN THOUGH I AM TERRIFIED OF BOATS!
• HUG MY GIRLS AND GET TO SEE THEM GROW INTO ADULTHOOD
• GROW OLD AND GRAY WITH ANDREW, A COUPLE OF DOGS, AND ONE CAT
• GET CHARLEY TRAINED TO BE BOTH A SERVICE AND THERAPY DOG

SOME THINGS ARE SIMPLE I WANT TO DO AND SOME

ARE MORE COMPLEX BUT THEY WILL ALL HAPPEN IN GOD’S TIME HOPEFULLY. I AM SURE THERE IS MORE I AM LEAVING OUT BUT FOR NOW I AM GOING TO CLOSE THIS AND GO CROCHET FOR A BIT.

BE BLESSED!

SARA HOOS GOFORTH